Insomnia

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT sadly
Summary: Nearly four nights without any sleep has one turtle going a little crazy
Warning: Insomnia and Entomophobia
Rating: Hmmm I guess PG-13 to be safe


It was official he was finally losing his mind. It felt like every little sound in the whole sewer system and world above was echoing around in his mind. Leaning forward he groaned in pain, the noise pulsating through his mind until he wished he could tear his own brain out.

Resting his hands over his ear slits he tried desperately hard to block out the constant drip drip of the water, the tick tock of the clock on the wall and the low hum of the electronic devices that filled their home. But no matter what he did everything was so loud.

Lifting his head he blinked wearily at the clock on the DVD player, it taking a few moments for his swimming vision to focus. Finally he could make out the numbers but it took another few moments before his brain could process them to reveal it was nearly five am.

If he remembered correctly which given his current state he wasn’t so sure about that, it meant it had been nearly ninety hours since he had last closed his eyes and slept. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to sleep, in fact he wanted nothing more than to drift off into oblivion but nothing was working for him.

He had tried simply lying in bed in the dark, soothing music, calming baths, massage, exercise and even drugs but nothing was allowing him to sleep. It wasn’t that his brain was working too fast either which Donnie often cited as the reason for his small bouts of insomnia. Instead it was like his mind was completely blank except for the outside stimulus.

Dragging his hands down his face once more he looked about the dark and not so quiet lair. The door to Donatello’s lab was open but the light was off indicating the genius was in bed. Looking further up towards his brother’s bedrooms, no lights showed around the wood doors. Continuing his gaze down to his father’s bedroom, it became official that all of his family were sleeping.

Pushing against the sofa Raph tried to get to his feet and he began to stumble towards the dojo. He hated the way his head swam and his feet didn’t seem to want to obey his commands, dragging against the floor and not lifting properly. It felt like he had gone ten rounds with the shredder, his body ached so much.

Pushing the door open he managed to fumble with the light switch blinking as the light seared his vision, lancing fresh pain through his head. Damn if only he could sleep everything would be okay, why couldn’t he sleep?

Weaving his way to his punch bag he decided to try and use up some of the energy he didn’t have, in the hope he could just sleep. Pulling his fist back he landed a pathetic punch by anyone’s standards into the material.

He managed to execute only two punches before the fresh waves of dizziness and nausea swept his body. He clung onto the punching bag for dear life not wanting to end up in a heap on the floor. He could feel his hands trembling and his head pounded even more. It felt like he was going to pass out but even though he surrendered to the feeling the darkness did not embrace him.

His strength left him and he thumped to the floor landing heavily on his side. He groaned in pain and tried to roll onto his front to lever himself up but found staying still was a much better option. Closing his eyes he prayed for sleep, begged any deity which might exist to simply end his suffering. He wasn’t sure how long he had been lying there when a fresh sound reached his ears making him open his eyes.

It was hard to describe exactly what he was hearing but it was like a stampede of feet but tiny feet on the dojo floor. There was a clicking; popping, hissing and chirping one would normally associate with insects scurrying around.

Panic laced through Raph’s heart and he pushed himself upright wide eyes looking about the dojo. At first he was convinced he was simply hearing things right up until the tiny shadow in the corner moved. Frozen in place with fear Raph could only watch as the shadow scurried forward revealing itself to be a cockroach.

If Raph had felt sleepy before he was now completely wide awake, his entire existence focused on that tiny creature as it kept moving towards him in a zigzag line. His heart hammered so hard it felt like it was going to burst out of his chest.

A choked off shriek broke through his lips as he saw another shadow move following the first. Adrenaline surged through his body and he scrambled backwards away from the small creatures as they ventured towards him.

Moving back until his carapace hit the back wall, Raph found himself once more frozen in place but with a very good reason. The whole far wall was now moving, the shadows seeming to stretch out from the wall as the many little bodies scurried over each other.

Fear paralysed him from any further action as what seemed like thousands of cockroaches collapsed under their own weight and spilled out across the dojo floor. His golden eyes dilated until nearly the entire colour had disappeared as he frantically tried to keep an eye on each little critter.

The mass undulated and seemingly throbbed as the cockroaches made their way across the floor, intent on reaching Raph. The hothead’s plastron heaved as the first of the cockroaches touched his skin.

He wanted to run, he wanted to scream, he wanted to do something, anything that would get him away from his greatest fear but no limb on his body would respond. He could feel the legs as they touched him, it felt like dozens of sharp little pin pricks. He could feel the antennae as they scouted their way up his legs.

Finally a sound escaped his throat as he felt the first pinch of the mandible’s into the flesh of his leg. It was like the pain finally galvanised his brain into action and he leapt along the wall. His trembling hands brushed down his body trying desperately to rid himself of the insects before they burrowed into his flesh.

He could hear someone shrieking in pure unadulterated panic and it took a few seconds before he realised the sound was coming from his own mouth. But he didn’t care as long as he got rid of these disgusting creatures which clung to his body.

Sleep deprived muscles strained under his attempts to escape and it was too much for them. His legs gave way and he crashed heavily onto the dojo mats. More screams erupted from his mouth as the black mass of insects moved towards him, the hissing rising until it drown out every other sound.

Raph!”

The one solitary sound made it through the noise and suddenly he found himself encased in the arms of his baby brother. He still couldn’t stop screaming though, the creatures those insects were so close, almost upon them.

His head was jerked up and away from the writhing mass of insects until it looked at fear-filled blue orbs. He could feel Mikey was trembling as much as he was.

“Raph there is nothing here, we are in the dojo and there is nothing here!” Mikey spoke forcefully but his voice laced with panic.

Raph attempted to jerk his head out of his baby brothers hands, to move and to point to the invading insects which were about to consume them but Mikey wouldn’t let go.

“You are hallucinating,” Mikey insisted forcing Raph to maintain eye contact.

Raph knew he was in a complete state, he knew he was scaring his brother and probably the rest of his family but it was real he knew it was real. He brought his hands up and broke Mikey’s hold jerking himself upright to defend himself and his brother from the onslaught of insects.

He brow creased into a frown as his plastron still heaved, as he looked around the empty dojo; not a single cockroach in sight. He could hear each shaky breath he took, his heart racing in his ears, the drip drip of water and the tick tock of the clock but no insects.

Frantically his eyes darted about the dojo searching for his enemy alert and ready to fight. Instead all he saw was his baby brother still kneeling on the floor and his father and older brothers stood looking worried in the dojo doorway.

“There . . . there were cockroaches,” he finally managed to gasp out.

“Raphael you must let us help you,” Splinter sighed as he came to his son.

The emerald green turtle looked around the dojo once more before returning his wide and panicked eyes to his father.

“I just want to sleep,” he confessed.

“I know my son,” Splinter soothed.

Leading Raph out of the dojo Splinter took him to the sofa where he encouraged him to sit. Leo and Donnie disappeared into the kitchen while Mikey came and knelt before Raph giving him a reassuring smile.

“My son I feel you are not going to defeat this demon without medical assistance. I know how much you hate medication but perhaps it is time to try some,” Splinter explained to his hot headed son.

“Already tried,” Raph muttered running his hands over his face. “I took some sleeping pills the other day but they didn’t work.”

Splinter frowned and eyed his son carefully, “Where did you get these tablets?”

“Casey.”

The old rat shook his head and encouraged Raph to lie back against the sofa. He took one of Raph’s hands and began a slow circular massage on his son’s palm. Mikey took his brothers foot and despite wrinkling his beak at the dirty limb began the same massage on the base of Raph’s foot.

Leo and Donnie came out of the kitchen with a steaming cup and the genius sat down on the opposite side to Slinter. The genius looked pained as he looked down on his trembling sleep deprived brother.

“He says he has already tried medication provided by Mr Jones,” Splinter explained to the purple banded turtle.

“Yes I know I saw the bottle in his bedroom yesterday. I think he needs a stronger dose; we need something to break the cycle his brain has gotten into. Here Raph you need to drink this I have already added the medication to it,” Donnie answered.

Raph grumbled and waved his hand to stop Donnie putting the cup to his lips, he didn’t want his brother to help him. He wanted to reach out and take the cup himself but his hand shook so badly he knew he would spill most of it before it reached his mouth.

“Raphael, you will allow Donatello to aid you!” Splinter sternly instructed.

Muttering some more Raph allowed himself to be aided in drinking the medicated chamomile tea. He scrunched his beak up in disgust; he hated those teas and they tasted even worse when drugged but he dutifully drank every drop. He lay back against the sofa his eyes still closed, feeling the heaviness settle onto his body.

He could feel the calming movements of his father and brothers hands and could feel the warmth of the tea as it settled in his stomach. He started to feel disconnect for a few moments but then his whole body jerked and he was brought back into the conscious world.

He groaned in pain as it coursed through his body, why couldn’t he sleep, he had been so close!

“That was a hypnagogic jerk,” Donnie supplied. “It usually happens as a person is falling asleep and there are many theories for why they happen including that the brain interprets the shutting down to sleep as the body dying and send a twitch through the body to keep it alive.”

“Stupid body,” Raph muttered his eyes sliding shut once more.

Donnie gave his brother a half-hearted smile, “I think we should get Raph up to his hammock now.”

Between Leo and Mikey they managed to guide Raph up the stairs and into his hammock, where his head instantly lolled to the side. Donnie took up his brothers’ wrist and counted out his heart rhythm before counting out his breathing, making sure they were regular. He was just about to motion his brothers out quietly when Raph’s body jerked again and he moaned in pain followed by a light sob.

“Stupid fucking body!” he cried out covering his hands with his face.

“Shhh Raphael calm yourself getting upset will only lengthen your suffering,” Splinter soothed.

A choking sob broke free and all the family looked pain at seeing the normally strong turtle so upset. Splinter was about to reach forward to further comfort Raph, when Donatello stopped him. Even as they watched Raph’s breathing evened out and his hands fell limply away from his face.

The pain and upset disappeared from his face as it soothed out into a sleep, his head lolling to the side. Splinter motioned for his other three children to leave the room as Raph began to finally slumber. Looking back over to his hot tempered son before he closed the door, he saw a smile creep across the emerald green lips.

“Goodnight my son, sweet dreams,” Splinter whispered.

Closing the door he left Raph to catch up on some much needed sleep, hopefully free of the visions which had plagued him whilst awake.

END